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Upcoming Music

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Nice weekend for now I’m going to structure how I have it with my upcoming music. Now I have received the order of it that has been very on the latest. It that I can do something about. There is still much that I do not control, but life is so and I must somehow accept that it is as it is. I will go broke over and over again but is there anyone who understands this it is me. I know that it is as it is and nothing I can affect.

I choose to understand the reality of it is that I live in. I choose to release my feelings in this and let them soar freely. When you know how something will be, but not when you are prepared but yet not. Love is all that I know. It is hard to see something bright in the somewhat tragic, but the love may be even strength in all things.
Life has its challenges and I have mine. So glad I always been good to reflect on things. It has taken me so far on my trip. I am down-to-earth and focused, it is important for me to be able to be there. Now is the time to start to make the food here so that I can with what I have planned here today 😛 
A thousand Thank you for listening to my Music :

Take Care Of Each Other 😀 
Many Hugs From MinikeGirl 😀 
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New Energy

Today has been a really good day with a lot of emotions and reflections for the future. 17884630_1228102760646137_6313495232815833993_n

I will continue to fight for It cause I refuse to give up. I do it as I can and I will always do how difficult it may be. My old soul is a real fighter. I got a new energy today and that feels absolutely wonderful. I am grateful for so much and I feel strong. Sometimes it is hard to be smart and realize what reality is, but rather that and be honest than to live in a lie. Rather than imprisoned in a lie.

It has been about planning a good future as possible and I like where it is going. Everything is a bonus because I know how reality looks like. I also know that I am a true fighter. I know why I do what I do and I am determined in my actions. I talk openly with people who understand me and it saves a lot of energy. New hope and new strategies is my goal in the next round. It always it can arrange itself. There are those things that are not going to do anything about it. They are difficult to accept and it is eating away at me because I am used to always find the solution most of the time. But when you are powerless, so it is easy to become frustrated. When the tears are exhausted what do I do then?

I FIGHT ! Thats  my Strength 😛 

It is thanks to all of you who believe in me that means I can do what I do in a more rewarding way. I strictly follow my future goals but it’s easier if other people support me on my way and sees me.

Now my son and I have will have a really good and lovely weekend 😛

Wish you a Best Weekend of My Finest Readers 😀 

Take Care Of Each Other 😀

Many Hugs From MinikeGirl 😛 

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Invigorating Walks

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Invigorating walks are really lovely even though I have a cold. It feels good for it when eventually it gives in a good way and my body is very accustomed to walking. It is soon time to start my weights again and I am very excited regarding it. I also think it will be exciting to start using my weightwest. Weightwest is something that I have been waiting to use because I want to have a little better muscle. It is possible to adjust the very good regarding the weights on my weightwest which I think is very good and smooth. I’ll get into a good routine to use it and fill it with weights more and more the stronger I become. Will be a fun challenge to have now in the future as one of my projects this summer. Have had a period now that I lost weight and why not when it should still be up in weight again to do it with some muscles. I have my breaks and periods when it gets more exercise but I try to have a good balance of everything.

On my second exercise machine; so has the screws broken in half and I need to put new. Also need to tighten all the screws properly as well. It needs more stability or else lose my focus when it should squeak and shake when you step Haha 😛 ladda-ned.jpg.jpg. It is important that everything should be in order. Now it is time for me to eat meat I must also keep up ironlevels in my  body.

Many Hugs from MinikeGirl 😀 
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Determined Woman

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Have always loved the sea it is so peaceful. Great that summer is on the way now heating and I need sunlight. I have a little cold today, otherwise it is good. Will work with my computer today for a while but then it gets to be rest so I recover as good as me. It is easy to be too eager when you start to feel more energetic. Important is to still be able to take a small walk to get some fresh air. I like to be where it is quiet and not stressful. At the same time I also like it when it happens stuff but it should be at a healthy level. When I notice that it gets to be too much of something so I stop time I think about the future. Long-term think is good so I can’t throw away everything I have worked for in a day. It doesn’t have to happen everything in a day but it is good to be able to reason healthy and split things. When I have lots of energy so I can often do more things than many other people during a whole day but it does not mean that it is so every day and we are all different. We are, and works the same but we are still different. It is fine with us people. But there can also be conflict in that people actually forget this.

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It is important to learn to listen to yourself and in the people who understand. Important to accept that other people may not always understand but it should only do to a certain limit. Many do not know where opinions and action are adjacent and it is then there may be disputes of various kinds.
Have noticed many changes since it started to go well for me, both in terms of my blog and my music. Many people that I know have recently behaved a little differently. Seems many are happy for my sake, yet not in any way. Many would say that it is about envy and for that I am the one who has changed. I am doing what I dream about doing but many seem to forget that there are really a lot of work. I get a sort of reminder to others not to do what they want. It is not my responsibility to get other people to follow their dreams, it is up to each one. I want to be a reminder that it is possible. It feels like it instead has become a reminder that some people do not do what they really want to. Think it is sad for I will not let go of my dreams for someone or something.
I am a stubborn and determined woman, as you already know, and I am determined in what I intend to do 😛 
Many Hugs From MinikeGirl 😛 
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Spoilsport There Are Plenty

MinikeGirl

 

You are probably many who have also been in those places and those times in your life when you have lost motivation. This may involve individual interests and different motivations that are in some way disappear. It is quite normal that it becomes so for it goes in waves everything this with incentives and motivation. I can take this whole thing with how it works. I can deal with it better if it is me that has caused this. I know what I’m getting myself into on the way.

It is controlled and I do it when I want to evolve as a person and to be able to reach the goals that I have set up. It is not surprising that you run out of energy and need to rest. This rest destroyed by those who do not understand then it is more difficult everything is and it takes a longer time for me to get new forces. There is much anger and frustration at being interrupted in my own reconstruction. I know what I should prioritize.It is dangerous to break the pattern that I have especially when I have given all that I have. Then there is nothing left and then I get to collect my energy. It is also not good to carp down on it as I have worked with, and that I put my energy on. Don’t forget that after each time I become stronger and it is so ugly to kick me when I’m working with myself. It is inhuman to think they know the best when you don’t know anything.

It is embarrassing and unintelligent to tell me that what I am fighting for is not of value. It is idiotic to believe that behavior like this does not affect me negatively. It is a shame that the first to mock me in my work with myself and then mock me for it takes a longer time for me to get new energy. It is tragic that the man is the reason that a person has more difficult to get new energy and then complain that I’m not doing anything. I take hold of every little detail in it that arise and I am working forward all the time. It is what is the difference of the processing and work on yourself all the time and they never do it. There is a difference in what you prioritize in life whether it is pure survival or if there are common concerns. For me it is survival and for some, their everyday worries me. It is laughable but it has not worked on youself so is that not easy.

People land and see reality as it is, when something happens that affects their daily lives in a way where their whole world can fall together. When their world is exposed. Then wake up people. That is the difference, I am awake all the time and I live in the here and now and not in a pretend world. So don’t come and tell me about what is important to prioritize. Don’t come and question why I am tired and not doing something when you yourselves are a big part of the problem. You understand that outside of your perfect glass bubble, so there are people like me who have to prioritize differently. Does not bother me in this. Can honestly tell you that I am tired and that this will take time. I challenged myself and I worked throughout the nights with me the music and with my blog.

It went really good, but how long was I to know?
Just thought I’d tell you that this was the last time that anyone gets in my way. It is the last time that any carping down on it as I do. Now, apparently, everything is calm and everyday life is restored but the I then?
I’m really tired and don’t have the motivation to anything but that does not stop me at all. On the contrary, I am a warrior and have been here before many times.
Collect as I said energy 😀
Spoilsport, there are plenty, but do not forget that you are stronger !
Take Care Of Each Other 
Many Hugs From MinikeGirl 😛 
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Ny Release : Skyddad Adress

Skyddad Adress
Det kan vara svårt för de som inte har varit med om att leva i ett destruktivt förhållande att förstå hur svårt det verkligen är att bryta sig loss. Man lever så ohälsosamt i en relation som totalt under lång tid eskalerar åt helt fel håll. Det blir något som ingen av de inblandade hade räknat med. Men jag fick mycket kärlek i början och jag var kär på riktigt. Det som jag även fick var en stor familj som accepterade mig för den som jag var.

Det var aldrig nedklankande ord om mig som person eller vad jag egentligen gjorde. Man är 2 i att bråka och jag skyller inte allting på den personen som jag var ihop med. Här beskriver jag hur jag kände och hur jag känner idag. Det är ett helvete som jag har gått igenom och det är inte lätt att fly med ett barn även här i Sverige. Men jag har gjort allting för mitt barn och det spelar ingen roll vem som står i min väg för mitt barns välmående. Det var många tunga år utan att gå in på för mycket här.

Efter vår nystart så trots bakgrund så hamnade vi på en förskola där trots läkarintyg på att jag var fullt sjukskriven pga det som hänt så fick jag inte ha mitt barn längre tid på den förskolan. Rektorn som var väldigt oförstående tyckte att jag var ju heltidssjukskriven men hemma så då borde jag ju kunna ha mitt barn hemma. Så jag fick ingen utökad tid på förskolan när jag bad om hjälp. Det tog 2 månader och 1 vecka efter jag frågat om utökad tid och då frågade jag igen för jag ville kunna rehabilitera mig för att framtiden skulle bli bra. På andra mötet frågar rektorn mig om jag kan ta hand om mitt barn?

Den frågan kom verkligen i ett läge då jag genomgått tidigare trauman och brutit från allt vad tidigare liv hette. Den frågan kom 2 månader och 1 vecka efter att jag faktiskt hade bett om mer tid på förskolan vilket då nonchalerades totalt. Kriget efter traumat kändes det som. Det var som att rektorn inte förstod allvaret eller hade något personligt mot mig kändes det då. Men ärligt talat så ligger problematiken hos hennes för hon verkade ha blivit rektor utan några förkunskaper inom mänsklighet. Denna rektor arbetar inte längre kvar och nu efteråt så tror jag ärligt att ingen egentligen förstod hur allvarligt beteende hon hade gentemot mig.  Kändes som att hon tyckte att jag kom och krävde massa saker. Kan man inte hjälpa en utsatt människa under ett förhållande som detta nu var så borde man absolut inte ha en rektor tjänst på en förskola. Där är det ju barn man ansvarar för.  Med min rätt så krävde jag det som jag hade rätt till. Efter mycket om och men och kränkningar så fick jag längre tid på förskolan för mitt barn. Synd att det var tvunget att gå så långt bara. Men jag hade tagit mig så långt innan att jag bara körde vidare. Det människor har svårt att förstå kan jag inte göra något åt utan jag kan bara göra det som jag gör. Att aldrig ge upp. Denna händelse är en av många strider som jag har fått ta efter att jag lämnat ett destruktivt förhållande.

Men jag gav mig inte och fortsatte att kämpa och började få  mer och mer återupprättelse med tiden. Det betyder inte att det är enkelt att leva som vi gör. Det är mitt barn som drabbas hårdast av hela den här grejen med att leva med skyddad adress. Jag kämpar hela tiden med att det ska vara så bra som möjligt för mitt barn. Sen träffade jag på en rektor på mitt barns skola som förstår hela vår situation. Hon är nog sänd av Gud till oss på något vis och jag blir så berörd av att hon förstår vår situation. Hon har hjälpt till med att ge vår familj vad vi behöver. Jag har kunnat arbeta och få tillvaron att fungera mer än väl tack vare den snälla rektorns förståelse. Min son trivs som fisken i vattnet på sin skola och han ler när jag lämnar honom vid skolan. Det är så som det ska vara och det känns mycket bra.

Jag kan inte räkna med att människor som aldrig upplevt liknande trauman att förstå. Har man upplevt scenariot där man tror att man ska bli strypt eller slagen till döds så är det svårt att förstå. När jag efteråt har tagit mig ur allt detta och fått skyddad adress så handlar det inte om att jag vill jävlas med människor när jag ber om mer tid av ex förskola, skola. Det handlar om ren överlevnad något som många inte förstår. Många är så skyddade av verkligheten att vardagen är vardagen. För mig är det ren överlevnad. Jag hade långt efter vi hade fått skyddad adress denna posttraumatiska stress. Var vaken hela nätterna beredd på att försvara min son och mig själv ända in i döden om jag var tvungen. Blev inte mycket sömn på nätterna men mitt tillstånd höll mig vaken. Har man dessutom fått frågan om man klarar av att ta hand om sitt barn när man bett om hjälp i god tid för att man vill kunna leva ett drägligt liv så är det inte så att man går och söker för att man lever med posttraumatisk stress. Det höll jag tyst om för jag var rädd att jag skulle förlora mitt barn. Så hemsk att jag kände så för man ska ju kunna få hjälp i en situation som det var. Men eftersom det var misstro och jag var i den situationen som jag var så visste jag att det är jag som måste arbeta bort det som inte är bra. Jag är intelligent och jag förstod hur det skulle se ut om jag hade sökt mer hjälp för att få bukt med min posttraumatiska stress. Har man ett läkarintyg på att man är helt sjukskriven och det inte hjälpte på förskolan och man blir rakt av kränkt av rektorn som arbetade då så tar man inte några risker. Man litar inte på någon och det är inte så konstigt. Jag är inte den som ber om hjälp om jag verkligen inte behöver.

Jag har arbetat med mig själv under dessa år som gått och jag har inte posttraumatiskt stress syndrom längre. Jag har byggt upp mig själv så pass mycket att trots motgångar så tar jag min familj framåt. Min son har gjort mig hel och han är den som gör att jag fortsätter och alltid kommer att göra det.

Jag får frågor hela tiden av människor om jag kommer låta min son träffa sin pappa? Självklart kommer jag inte hindra någon form av kontakt i framtiden under kontrollerade former. Ni får tycka vad ni vill om det för det handlar inte om er eller oss längre. Det handlar om barnets rätt till kontakt med sina föräldrar.

Min låt SKYDDAD ADRESS  är hur det kändes och hur det känns och handlar inte om att jag går runt med massa HAT mot någon utan att jag blickar framåt.

Hur jag då kan gå ut med detta ?

Borde jag inte skydda min son mot att andra ska veta hur det är och varit?

Min son är väldigt smart och förstående och han har mycket empati. Hans pappa blev sjuk och när hans pappa blir frisk så avgör mig son själv om han vill träffa sin pappa. Det har inte jag med att göra och det handlar om att göra det bästa i situationen.

Jag var inte så oskyldig alltid i mitt förflutna och man kan ändra sig. Trots att ens förflutna varit ” Fucked Up ” så har man makten att göra det bästa ur det som varit sämst. Det får man aldrig glömma bort. Jag berättar bra saker för min son om sin pappa för det är jätte viktigt. Alla har bra sidor också.

Min låt Skyddad Adress är till er allihop som lever i ett destruktivt förhållande och har lämnat och tagit er vidare. Den här låten är till er som lever kvar med någon som misshandlat er. Jag vill med detta bevisa att oavsett vad som hänt eller händer så har ni mer makt än vad ni tror.

Allt kan gå åt HELVETE men det behöver INTE vara slutet …….

Jag kan stolt berätta att jag har förlåtit min sons pappa för han blev sjuk. Jag har även förlåtit mitt eget beteende som jag haft i mitt förflutna. Jag har förlåtit allting men det förändrar inte det som har hänt. Det gör att mitt liv inte går och bär med sig massa hat.

Ta hand om varandra !

Många Kramizar från MinikeGirl

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Sick BASTARD :)

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Today I have been grocery shopping, so we have the weekend coming. It is very exciting to go away when you have a fever. The world looks a little different when you have a fever, but it is good for the brain, for it does not take in as much colors and impression as it normally does with me. So in any way, it feels good after all.

Yesterday I me and my son saw on a Swedish film called ”The Hundred Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared ” it was really fun. Tonight, we have not decided what we are going to see on film but there will be a comedy.

Now I need to make food here and rest so I can be healthy 😛 

peppers.jpgLets Go 😛 

Take Care Of Each Other

Many Hugs From MinikeGirl 😀

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Questioned Every Time

MinikeGirl

MinikeGirl

I takes me just longer and longer until, in my work with myself. It’s not that I don’t really know when it will be these slump periods, as you call it. I ignore completely when they will, if you say so, but many other people will be surprised when it happens. You will be questioned every time and it takes a lot of energy from me.

Each time I am well prepared I have noticed since I myself know how I operate, so it is not really a downswing in itself that is the most demanding. What is most demanding is the people who don’t understand. There is a difference between not understand and to not understand and to question in order to press down the person who is in a slump. One question, of course, not a newly-operated cardiac patient about why he is not at his work or at the gym. This question not for there is a great risk that the newly-operated die if they do not take it easy. But I then ? I who live with mental ill-health called into question every time when my soul needs rest in order to not wither away and die. I questioned why I do not work and are as good as any other. Just want to explain that when I have my worst days so I am as worn and tired as a newly-operated person.

 
It is then that those who do not understand the whole this thing with living with mental illness actually get to feel the fatigue that I have each day. Some days I’m less tired than other days. Feeling better and worse, it varies. But I am proud to be me and I do not doubt myself despite the fact that others do it. Despite the fact that the other does not understand how I work. My whole life I have worked by myself for me to be able to reduce the high and lows. What I notice is that the less other people have to compare it with, the more understanding and less questioning.
There is less questioning when I’m completely sick than when I can work good in some periods. So the healthier I get the more harder it will be with other people who don’t understand the whole process. I get discouraged in my own recovery and I compared all the time with my best and worst days.

 

This time when I ran out of energy in total is not that I have failed in what I’m doing, but it belongs to my continuous process to take me further and develop to the stronger :

  • I have written more songs than the last of my energy ran out . 11 songs on Spotify
  • I’ve added one more  work area at the later time.
  • I also work here at the Finest20170418_141023.jpg
So when many people are still stuck in their position as a major question mark so I am constantly under development and I’ll take me forward. I am learning all the time to use my gear that I have and I can not find something that works so I create a new gear for it.
Stop trying to explain to people who do not want to understand, surround yourself with people who allow you to be regardless of whether they understand you or not.
Take care of each other 😀
Many Hugs From MinikeGirl 😛 
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ZLATAN STYLE

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Played football yesterday with my son and it is always so fun. I have played a lot when I was younger, and I even get a couple of good shots when we run. But since I’m not much of a scorer so I’m just glad that I can make the ball go into the goal. There are more golf feels and the sniping it feels like when I run. I have good footwork, but since I have a bit of a hard time with concentration, so it may not be something that interferes with.

When I  was screaming that it is not so easy to play football to my son. Then he called back that it is not difficult for ZLATAN. So it did not matter that I fell and missed the goal and stuff the main thing is that I know how to do 😛 . I still have a little bit of ZLATAN STYLE when I play football because I am damn stubborn.

 

It is really fun with football and that I and my son can play it together. Important for me to have the strength to do these things with my son. I like sports and to have a healthy strong body.
Have the Best my Lovely Readers 😛 
Many Hugs From MinikeGirl 😀 
( I dont got any Money from Adidas for my Picture I just Love My Shoes 😛 )
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I’m a real gangster

MinikeGirl

Feels wonderful to have ended up in a position where I become a bit of my old self  again where I don’t care about some things. Sometimes you have to pick up your old self. I do this very controlled when my old I’m a real gangster. But some people want to meet my old self  again  so why not ?

On my weak points and completely ignore how I feel only you may feel that you are so the best. Then even I have my limits. These limits are now a total of destroyed so now I’m thinking I ignore if I’m treading on some sore points of the other. All the other paws on the toe all the time for these people but now I no longer have anything to do with this anymore so I release everything. It’s not about trying to be accommodating. It is not that I break the contacts, but it is about the people themselves choose not to want to be with anymore. It is about some people don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve me when you think I’m useless and not good enough. What I do never counted and you complain just about everything and don’t know where the limits are. Then I have no more energy to put on these people.

I am no mind reader just to understand what other people mean all the time with their behaviour. I am not a person who you can trample on too much and it doesn’t matter who stands in the way. I have taken the big far on my journey and I do everything for my son. But is there are always loads of idiots all the time complaining at me because they think they own me. They think that they are the best in the whole world. So jealous.

If you have nothing yourself to come up with some people that it feels better to complain on the other. Require that other people do as they want and nothing is ever good enough. Therefore, I have put a stop to this now. It’s fun to annoy me when you constantly have someone else all the time defending one. Yourself you would never dare. The difference is that I dare to take things eye to eye without any fucking army that pops up whenever you feel threatened and not have something good to say. MinikeGirl

Who knows there may come a day that another person ladders out in the freedom fresh and ‘ m fit and ready to fulfil his role. Then if that is the case then I won’t hinder or try to destroy in any way. My son is worth so much. No matter what has happened or will happen so I want you to be healthy for you to be able to have contact in the future. So fight for it for as I said, I’m not going to prevent a future contact between you in the future. But you have to be healthy.

My goal is that there should be a contact between you and I hope that you will fight for the same thing here.
It is important that you prioritize what is important to be able to achieve what you want in their life. It is not possible to correct everything, but it is possible to do better. It’s always possible to do anything.
I do what I do but I don’t hate anymore, but I stretch out the hand for a future opportunity for it is what is important here.
Take Care of Each Other 😉 
Many Hugs From MinikeGirl 😛 
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