I constantly strive to understand myself because it always takes me forward in life in a good way. I am thinking about it most of the time and analyze how I am and how I feel. It gives me great insights into myself and I get answers to many of my concerns. Feel so much humility on this life. I have lived with so much hatred and anxiety through my life which is now replaced with so much love. It still feels unreal that I actually feel as good as I do today. I’m really touched and grateful as I do not thought that this would happen. It makes me want to stop time and always be as confident in myself as I am. My soul is now whole and very powerful. My soul is filled with love. Let me stop time so that I always feel this way. There is so much love in me that my soul has begun to spread it out, the more powerful. It feels magical and natural at the same time. I always want to be here and I will always be there in one way or another. This is the result of a soul that has been healed. My brain don’t really understand this process, and it goes much in the past life experience and its instincts. So I am and will probably act and be a little ambivalent in much. It’s hard to control how much I want. I am a problem solver so you understand that I have full up with myself. There is a lesson to even be able to see beyond it, which could be a problem for it is how I handle it that makes if I feel good about it or not. Right now it is very good and I am enjoying every second of it 🙂
I have upgraded myself now and is on a step higher up, which feels absolutely amazing. It is very interesting and therefore, I stop the time for that I can. For that I am worthy to feel this way and I want to feel this way. Among the finest that can be given to me is time never forget it. I don’t know really so I know I will in time. This is what I have learned and that is the way I’m thinking. Therefore do I stop the time. Exciting to come to different insights that I all the time do. It is magical to walk on my way.
Today I have a real light scattering day, and the day of rest. It makes good for the soul. Nice Weekend all my lovely listeners and readers 🙂
Breakfast time here now on this glorious Sunday. I drink tea for it has become so much coffee now on the latest. I love coffee and drink usually immense quantities. Sometimes I have these days that a bit of variety and then I drink like tea. I like both tea and coffee but tea will be the mostly because I can’t be bothered days otherwise. It is when I have a Sunday like today, then I’m not going to go anywhere and when I’ll be inside so it goes well with tea.
It feels like I have strep throat but I know it’s just my hormones that are haunting and that this is temporary. I had tonsillitis 7 times very close to when I was younger so now I am probably immune to it. We girls have our periods every month and it interferes with all the time my medication of Levaxin. What I should is certainly to increase the dose a week before my period and maintain that increase during my period. For it will be off to eat a balanced dose when my hormones still can not be still. Then sounds reasonable to comply with in the turns. I have figured out this myself and I think it is a good idea. I’ll take it up with my doctor. It is always important to talk together with your doctor about stuff like this. What I mean is only a little increase I eat 75 mg Levaxin. What I believe, and I think this is always in conversation with my doctor. Important to never modify the dosage without having to always go after your doctor’s prescription. Another solution might be that I’m starting to eat a little more Levaxin daily to be more prepared against these hormonal bastards that pops up all the time 😛 .
Today, it is not a good idea to sing to me even though I want to so clear. I don’t dance or strength training. How will this go Haha 😛
I have eaten a good breakfast and is happy and satisfied.
As you already know, I like to cook when I have the time. Cook when you just need to toss in something when you need to eat and not hungry is dull and boring, I think. When it is like this yesterday evening that I and my son to make food and then watch a movie so it is really cozy. When I have the time in a completely different way. It was a great night yesterday, we started watching an exciting cartoon funny movie 😀
Went and shopped yesterday for just to be able to be now in the weekend without having to go somewhere. Then there will be more time for other things and the day is free. Hope you all have a lovely weekend. I’ll continue to work on this so that the evening becomes vacant.
I have all the time big much to do and sometimes I decide to have a couple of days when I am at home. When I’m at home so I work with the music and with my blog but I also keep our accommodation clean. It comes to find enough time to. Now I have decided that I will be at home for a few days to be able to maintain a good life 🙂
Lovely day with a lot of music creation. It is so much fun to work with my music. I didn’t sleep so many hours in the night, so I wondered a little how I would be able to. Noticed today when I sang that I don’t really have with me is my breathing. It means that it is more taxing for the whole body to sing. I burn more energy, but what I may do then is to rest a little more often just.
I have planned how I will use my time to be able to be as efficient as possible. It works good and I get what I want done ready when I want it to be finished. I live and work so here I have my plans for the future. This is how I want to live. I am happy with my work. Two of my biggest interests in blogging and making music has become as 2 new jobs. This I have always dreamed of. Even my 3 work is something that I value very much. It really is so amazing. I have always expressed myself through writing and singing. I always want to do it here and it feels peaceful in my soul. I feel good and I constantly create stronger roads to go on. I have lived almost half of my life without found something that I am good at and that I am confident with. Now I know that it was worth all the waiting and the wondering for I have done what I thought was impossible. I have been quiet and peace in my soul.
I work a lot with my past on a daily basis to constantly process the things which I have been involved with. Process memories from the life I lived before I started to feel good about myself. Process different events with people who have not been so good. This is possible because I live my life today as a completely different person. A person I always strived to be. The person that I am today. I continue to strive to constantly hold onto those magical feelings of my existence.
Have slept really well last night and right now, I hold on to wake up to. There is some paperwork that I need to get the order of which I will arrange today. Also need structure and work on the internet. But otherwise today so I will be working with my music. So it is to do all the time, and the more I work the better everything becomes. Therefore it is important to plan well the entire time and be able to think long-term. I would like to do everything I can myself. It’s a little bit scary, I think, to hire and to entrust the responsibility for my activities to other people and companies. I want to know what happens all the time in everything that I do. It is very important to me. I also know that it takes a little longer everything I plan when I do everything by myself but then it may take the extra time. I have the people I need around me in my work with the blog and the music that I need. They stand close to me and know how I operate.
I sit and work a lot online and I try out what works and what does not. I think it is very interesting. It has taken me a big to a long time before I began to use Pinterest. I have actually not taken before how I like making music and that blogs would be able to utilize Pinterest in the best way. Every time that I tried to learn Pinterest, so it was not so great 😛 But now I’ve figured out how I’ll do there haha 😛
Each extra kind of thing that I add will be an extra task for me to plan into my schedule. In a way, so I create a temporary more work for me but in the long term it will do more and more of itself. I think it is fun to do everything and it is very interesting. A lot of work requires that I have a neat and tidy everything is and that is where it is important that the healing time to work away the paperwork that occurs. The more I develop my blog and the more my music that I do is spread the more the work around. I try to blog and music should go hand in hand and join in the development that is taking place. But some moments I have more to do with the music and other moments so I have more to do with my blog. Still think I have a good balance of everything. It feels like I’m starting to get a better balance on the whole and that it is really worth to sit and work those extra hours to reach to my goals.
Have had amazing conversations with many of my friends now in the recent times. We support each other and we are happy for other’s success. It warms my heart to see how far we have taken us through life. We live in our dreams and we are targeted. But what pleases me most is that despite the fact that we are many who have had it very tough in life, we have always taken us through everything. We are real fighters and I am so proud of my friends. I am so grateful to all my fellow human beings. What’s awesome is that I have had a really big tough now last year. There has been much around that I haven’t been able to do anything about. I have learned some new strategies in order to cope with these things that I can’t do anything about. Everything is a process of life and for me it is about all the time to work not to fall so deep when I fall. Sometimes it is difficult to prevent when it gets to be too much. My life strategies is now so strong that I can resist to actually end up in these depressions. What is all of this that I can’t do anything about will always be so. Therefore, I develop all the time new and stronger strategies to deal with everything in a good way. Last year as I have in all the turmoil got so many new people in my vicinity that I can trust. Good relationships have been even better. There is so much love and friendship that really has gotten stronger bond. You understand that whatever happens as it is always doing the best in even the most difficult situations.
I honor you all my friends who are by my side. I honor you all who have died. You are with me every day and I feel it in my heart and in my soul. Sit and be so grateful that I can actually be of things now-a-days is something that I haven’t even been able to imagine is magical. I never thought that I would get to experience the peace and quiet. I never thought that I would get to feel the inner peace here on earth. So I will continue to do what I love and I will continue to be grateful for everything.
After a long and lovely shower so I feel very harmonious. I started the day with to make sure that my son came to the school. Then, I started to make music. Ended up that I took a long hot shower. After a long and lovely shower so I feel very harmonious. When you have been with what I’ve been through, it’s so valuable to have these days. When I feel that I have got it back as I had not previously known me had under destructive conditions. My body is mine and only mine. When it has been the worst so has my body just felt like a shell and I have left it in difficult conditions. When I become beaten and underlying threats that if I don’t agree to have sex, so it becomes a very tough situation. When your partner is calmer if he gets what he wants.
It is thus that I have had it in the past for quite a few years, but today is as free from this as I can be. For today, especially when I showered I felt so free and that my body is my. I am reminded of how much it does for me to get to have these days. I dream nightmares about what has happened and it goes in periods. I may never forget that when this happened during the years, so I was not the one who I am today. I respect myself and who I have become. I love myself today. The problem when this happened was that I was that I thought I loved the person who had subjected me to this. How strange it may seem. I loved NOT myself and he made me not be able to do either because of the psychological abuse. Today people see life so differently and I have really struggled to get a more tolerable existence. It is days like today that feels so fantastic all the way into the soul.
My body is mine just mine………..
My soul is mine only mine…….
My psyche is Strong………
I surround myself only with strong men now-a-days. They know where the limits are. I can also have some close encounters with my male friends on a amicable plane. It is okay to stand close to me if you are a man and we know each other. For me it is useful and good for my process to be able to feel that it feels better and better. Almost all of my male friends is big-boned and has gigantic muscles. All my male friends helps me through it as I have been involved with. It is important for me to dare to take the chance to trust other people again, especially when I have had times when I hated myself. Today I love myself and I trust myself to never end up where I’ve been again. It feels amazing.
Love you all my dear Friends both men and women so clearly 😛
Now have my new shoes finally arrived and my west. I have on my new shoes now to get used to me a bit. You already know that I have my own style when it comes to both shoes and clothing. I like the green here, as you can see 😛
This is not to the ordinariness that I buy new shoes and it doesn’t mean I can’t. It’s just that I walk so much and have stuck to the standard black shoes that I dance in here in one of my musicvideo. Where I got the criticism that I had worn the shoes hahahaha 😛
It is not tricky with all these critics that come when you do something good? I am so happy with my musicvideo that are exactly like this. I could have been hired a bunch of people and had new purchased clothes and gone in a sports car. But the song is not about that. So You Can :
Despite the fact that I am not accustomed to stand in front of the camera so I have made this musicvideo to my song YOU CAN. It was a real challenge for me and I am so proud of myself. So I have really not bought new shoes that I got the criticism that I had them in my music video but I have bought them because I can.
In this musicvideo to my song Shadows Art , so I had these boots :
It is fantastic to have done 2 music videos and to be able to constantly sit and write music as I do. I get daily many who write to me that they love my music and I write songs that affect them. A thousand Thanks to all of you you are wonderful.
I and my son was and bought so much food yesterday after we decided that we could manage it. Act as much food and have their children with is just as exciting every time. Think it is important that he gets to be with and he thinks it is fun. We walked into the store when it was light outside and we came out of the store when it was dark. There is a lot to work with then when you get home with all the goods but it is best to and then it’s done. I like to be able to fill up the freezer and the refrigerator then do not have to shop so often 😛
To sort all our clothes and run a few extra washers. Cleans out and buy some new clothes. Cleaned my son’s room and he has got to decide which toys he wants to keep and who he wants to give away. It is so easy to accumulate too much stuff. Good energy to get in a home that does not have too much things because the bad energy gets stuck easy if you have a lot of things. Energy needs space to move on and to be able to take forward. I feel the difference so much that it just feels liberating to clean.
I clean in a healthy way for it is not possible to clean all the time. I have those days that it is not a priority for me to clean up but the days I let be so. I know I still get it cleaned then anyway 😛
It is healthy for me to get these days when I’m at home no matter really what I do at home. Is there a way for me to manage myself and to feel calm. It goes to the big a lot of energy for me just by I am outside of my home. Also, if I do things that I love. I’m like a bad burned mobile battery that can go from 1 million % of the battery rapidly to a total – 500000 % .
This is why we can’t hang out or that I can work some periods. This is why I sometimes you just have to go home when I can. While I do not choose to go away for much. Everything is carefully planned by me because I want to have so good balance of everything as possible in this imbalance. Fixes this very good, I think. Many people often wonder when it comes to me. Why does she not ? Why does she do it ?
The answer to the questions is that I do it when I’m ready and when I can. I’m not lackadaisical or lazy, I work and live all the time in order to maintain balance. I have chosen to fight with myself every day because I am a strong and worthy opponent. It is the success in my own development, which allowed me to continue and it is also the acceptance to stop myself, where it is useless. Better to give priority to what works than to begin to prioritize and spend energy on it that will only take energy from it that works and I go backwards 😛
There is always something going on and I’ll continue to work here with my music hihi so Lovely 🙂
Yesterday 😛 , it was an interesting day that separated themselves a bit from the other days when it does not occur so often. But I know myself so well that I can quickly read and analyze what I need to do. I was a bit ill yesterday for those who do not know how I work. But this is recurring every month. Now think that it is your period but it is not entirely wrong to think so. We like to think that your period will be the 20 no weirdness at all. I have errors on my thyroid and take medicine for it and it works great. But should I have my period around the 20 so starts my body to complicate already the 13. It has become much worse in recent years, and it’s like my hormones get the free spin and that the medicine does not help as it should a week before your period. When my medication does not help, so it goes on me, both physically and mentally, and I become even more tired than usual. I will of course check this with my doctor. These symptoms usually come one step at the time so Iam able to know when the fatigue will gradually. What happened yesterday was like someone pressed a button. So there I sat at work in the couch and my bodily defense mechanisms shuts down me to gather new energy. It is a little easier for me if stuff like this happens when you are at home then there will be less work for me to gather new energy. But I’m stubborn and have no problem with carrying myself home in the best possible way. It is just to be firm and clear with myself and take myself home 😛
You who know me know that I have so much self irony and humor that I think this is terribly funny at the same time as I, of course, will hear of me to a doctor. Iam and work as I do and most people know that I am doing what I can according to my capacity. My capabilities may differ tremendously from day-to-day, and then it is so. Sometimes it is like I get into an involuntary hibernation, but I know that I need it to do on other days. There are many factors that made that I knew yesterday, now so. But the biggest sign was that I went from being very keen to feel that I would be able to fall asleep and I was on my way to do it if I had put me down.
I can never make as straight of which I have had sleeping problems for about 15 years. Falling asleep in the middle of the day in addition to after lot of coffee. Easy-to-read myself there. I open with this because I think it is important to spread the message that despite the fact that we are who we are, and suffer what we have, we are Amazing.
Important to accept yourself and surround yourself by people who understand. Sometimes, it can’t get other people to understand and then it is important that you know how you work and that you accept yourself.
Today as mixed/mastered it with my next song in the studio and I am preparing to soon let you hear 🙂 .
A thousand Thanks to those of you who follow me on my Music Journey :
Played out my 14 song yesterday 😛 .It was really fun and there is always a new challenge for me. I never know how my senses are the days that I shall record but it has gone well so far. Sometimes I have good focus and other times it takes a little longer for me to get it as I want it. But it is enough for most people. So it is with creativity and there is nothing that can completely control. Sometimes it will fully automatically, and sometimes it takes a little bit longer. Some days I can write a lot of music.
Other days, it can’t write a line of text. But that is the way it is and I like that it is so. I have very many thoughts about a lot and I have a good imagination. It helps me when I write my music and work is not a thing, then I try something else. I have an internal strong performance anxiety where I know how I want it to be. I struggle all the time to achieve the achievement that I have fixed. I know how I want it so I’m tough on myself. Know that the end result always makes me more than satisfied regarding my music.
Therefore, it is worth that I am tough on myself. I know exactly what I want and how hard I can push myself when it comes to the music. Sometimes so close I only of all things, and I get blocked in it as I do, and it can be about anything. But I’ve learned to deal with this in a good way so it will not be any big problems. I have good self-awareness and I’m not ashamed to tell other people when I become blocked in my senses. Those who know me see all the time that I am trying to in spite of everything. I am a person who needs a lot of time and repeated routines that suit me so therefore structure the I up the a good everyday. A weekday where I in a smart way all the time fix the small things that make everyday life simpler for to be able to constantly do it as I do. Adapt to the outside world as good as possible but also to be able to be yourself as much as I can 😛
I have not always liked myself as a person and how I have acted. I have acted wrong many times in pure frustation in that everything I did was wrong all the time. Finally, was there anything that was the only thing that I knew. It was something that became my false sense of security. When it was something that I actually did well so it felt like I was not worthy to be good. Then I acted wrong instead of that it was my false sense of security. This was not a healthy behavior and I drew to me the wrong kind of people. People who were like me, and I felt respected in all the chaos that constantly arose. It was like to be living death and to be totally outside the society in which I feel like a part of nowadays. I had to accept myself at the time and I had no choice. It was a hell to me, for I could not control myself. The road to the person I am today has not been easy but I’m very proud of the person I have become. I think about myself today and I know who I am.
Maybe I can’t explain in words who I am but I can tell you that I think about myself. My new I, I have not had in so many years, so it’s new to me. I know what I want and I know what I can do. I is also for me a mystery which I find very interesting and I love to be me.
Amazing to get to experience it as I do with everything today. I am so grateful that I never gave up. I am grateful for all the people who believe in me.